**WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS GUILT TRIPS AND DEPRESSING SUBTEXT** (BUT ALSO SOME FUN PICTURES AT THE BOTTOM!)
It’s been awhile since my last real post (kind of a theme the past few months…), and life’s been real busy the last bit with this whole “live-in” position thing. Not exactly a lot of down time these days. So, instead of continuing to whine about it all the time, I’m just gunna start writing about stuff…here we go:
So, the past few weeks have definitely been getting better and better. For the first time since m0ving to Portland (a few months ago), I’ve found the sort of routine I’ve been looking for. Got all my disciplinary/conduct cases taken care of, getting to all the super important meetings I go to, working on that whole “presence” thing that RezLife people always talk about (got my apt. door open most of the time), counseling a few students here and there, and I’m even managing to save a few bucks here and there…mostly there. Life seems to be pretty dang good.
Maybe that’s why I’m not writing as much…double dang. So much for the whole “tortured artist” thing. Got a one-bedroom apartment with free rent and as much burrito/pizza/saladwrap-type food as I can stomach, also for free. Okay, time to pay off some student loans, and start homebrewing some great craft beers! …right? That’s where my head’s at, at least.
What happened to moving to Bangladesh, opening up a med clinic and/or church and helping those in need? What happened to moving to Ensenada and building homes for those who are without? Or taking part in a prison ministry full time? How did I suddenly owe Uncle Sam $40,000?!
I remember when I was a kid, I heard someone say, that basically everyone starts out a bleeding-heart liberal and dies a money-grubbing conservative. That sucks. Not because I’m necessarily a liberal–I don’t think I am, at least–but because I don’t believe our values should be relative to our personal situation and/or socio-economic class…but they are, necessarily. Similarly, (and much better-erly), Winstone Churchill once said, “Show me a young Conservative and I’ll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I’ll show you someone with no brains.” [Feel free to read it a few times…it may have taken me a few minutes to get that one too. No worries.]
Basically, while we’re (we = me) young, we’re idealists who want to grow up to change the world and prove all those basketball coaches wrong and do something with our lives (damn you, Coach Dennis Jefferson Savage!!!). But, then reach ages 21-24 (or we see Fight Club – 3:30 into this clip), and we realize we’re not special, we’re not going to change the world, and worst of all, no one is going to change the world.
So, we give up on our dreams of leaving our materialistic lives and we distract ourselves with new hobbies and interests such as sports, movies, crocheting, photography, homebrewing, maybe dabbling in philosophy or reading some Malcolm Gladwell to seem a bit more informed at dinner parties, while we waste away at our jobs that affect no one, and do nothing to help anyone in the long term.
I know what you’re thinking right about now. And if you’re anything like me (and probably even if you’re not), then it’s probably something like this: “God, what a depressingly fatalistic nihilist.” Either that, or, “Yeesh. What a whiner.” Either one is understandable.
I guess what I’m trying to do, is better understand…well…WTF is my 5 year plan? And I know, I don’t have to have one or anything. But it’d sure be nice. I’m a planner. I’ve always been a planner. And when I’m currently on a career path that is still rather wide open (Hall Directors have gone on to do anything from becoming presidents of colleges to police officers), I would like to figure out as much about my future as possible, before my future gets here.
BUT! For now…until my next post in which I ask rhetorically depressing questions about my life, check out these neat picture pages I’ve taken over the last few weeks or so…Then go back to watching those TV shows you’re addicted to. (Is that the world’s smallest violin playing for me?)
4 thoughts on “Go Tell It On the Mountain”
Love the macro photos…so fun to play with that reverser!!!!
I can relate to the sentiments you’ve expressed here and I know a lot of people who feel the same way. However, I’d like to say that not everyone has given up on their dreams of doing something crazy like moving to Bangladesh.
At the risk of sounding like a self righteous asshole, I live in Djibouti and teach at the local university where the student body is made up entirely of what we would call “poor people.” I have student loans that suck up a lot of my paycheck, living here is hard, the comforts of home are not all to be found, and its miserably hot all the time. But, I do feel like I am making a difference, however small, in the lives of my students. Don’t give up on your dreams of doing something crazy. It’s difficult but possible. I don’t know what that will look like for anyone but I must believe that it is possible to go out int he world and do crazy and amazing things.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. keep em comin
“I don’t believe our values should be relative to our personal situation and/or socio-economic class” <== word
Also, your mom's glasses are awesome and I love that pic of you two.
Also, eff student loans.
Thanks CoR! And for more uses of my mom’s glasses, see anything concerning Harry Caray.
And yes, eff student loans.