So, I’m writing a new book. I wish I could say that’s why I haven’t been updating my website the past few weeks (okay…months), but still, it’s exciting. The working title is “25 on 25”. Basically, I just turned 26 last week and to celebrate the end of my 25th year, I decided to write about 25 things I’ve learned. A simple premise, but I think it’ll be (if nothing else) very therapeutic.
I’m 26 and I’m still learning what it’s like to be an “adult”, I’m getting married in 19 days (wow) and a woman is going to be moving into my apartment to live with me, AND I honestly have no idea where I’ll be (professionally and geographically) a year from now…9 months from now. It’s a time of change and transition in my life…okay, the last 26 years have been filled with transitions, so while there are a lot of changes this next year, it’s not something that’s very new to me. My parents divorced when I was 6, then my family moved shortly after, my mom switched jobs several times, my school moved three places in 2 years, and I went to three different high schools–one 45 minutes away from my house. Then in college (another move), I moved every single semester (plus summers), up until my senior year. That sucks. Then grad school, a new place each year, and finally the big move to Portland where I still feel like I’m getting used to the people, the climate, the culture, et al. [I don’t mean to complain, just word-vomiting and trying to list facts. Feel free to not read.]
This past weekend, I helped my fiance move most of her furniture into my apartment. I wasn’t very attached to my furniture, so I was able to get rid of it pretty quickly to make room for her (much nicer) items. After being around my apartment the past few days, which finally has matching furniture, nice photos on the walls, and a sweet record player, I’ve realized how bachelor-esque I’ve been living…well, pretty much my whole life.
Rarely in my life have I wanted to be domesticated, stationary or even comfortable.
I don’t know if it’s finally living and working in the same place for over a year. I don’t know if it’s just being 26 years old. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m getting hitched in a few weeks. Whatever the case, I’m looking forward to the consistency I see ahead in my life. What I want to continue to avoid (or at least call it out when I see it in my own life) is complacency.
There is a version of my life that I try to hide. It’s the version of my life in which I am comfortable, I don’t worry about money very often, I never miss a meal, and I am rarely forced to think about anything outside of my immediate point of view. While that’s not my entire life, it’s a big enough part of my life that I am often ashamed of; a part I wish I could disregard.
There is another part of my life; the part which I try to show the world. This version of my life is gentle, wise, cares about the impoverished and tries his best to be as involved in others’ lives as possible…he’s basically Bono without the sunglasses (but still with a cool Irish accent).
This is one of the longest-running, central conflicts in my life. Comfort vs. Complacency…or maybe Ignorance vs. Awareness. I don’t know. Whatever it is, it’s not something that’s gotten a whole lot easier over time. Helping others always helps, in just about whatever capacity that takes place. The whole reason I’m in student affairs is to help students in need…at least, that’s the reason I started down this road. Most days, that’s why…but I admit that there are many days I do my job for the wrong reasons (whatever those reasons may be).
Okay, enough self-deprecating rambling. The point is, I’m sure there will be a chapter or two in this next book which will include this dilemma.
As always…I’ll try to write more next time.
P.S. If you haven’t heard any of Thrice’s new album “Major/Minor”, you check it out right away. It’s taking over my life. Love it.
Also, this post kinds reminds me of this post from a year and a half ago.