It’s Been A Month

It’s been a month. 

It’s been a month since the joy of our lives entered the world and welcomed in a whole slew of exhaustion, happiness, tears, and adorableness.

It’s been a month since we went into the hospital, battled for a day or so, and Hannah bravely birthed a 9 lbs, 12 oz baby. Yeah. Almost 10 freaking pounds. She’s our little chunky monkey, and even though she did lose a little bit of weight that first week, she’s rebounded in a big way…er…big weigh. While I marvel at how cute and small she is, it also hits me at the same time just how quickly  she’s growing. Her cheeks are amazingly round and pinchable and her eyes are the size of…really big baby eyes. I know there were a few hiccups during the birth, but if they were necessary to get this beautiful child here, I know Hannah would agree that she was worth every single one.

It’s been a month since we couldn’t make it any longer, waiting intently and impatiently for our little girl to get here. We didn’t know what she’d look like, or who she’d be, and we didn’t even know her name at the time, but we knew she’d be special. We knew she’d be ours. We knew she’d be a brand new chapter in the adventure story we’re trying to tell.

It’s been a month since we spent four days and three nights in the hospital trying to figure it all out. Not a lot of sleep those nights while our new daughter tried to learn how to drink her new meals for the first time. When she’d cry or fuss, we’d run out of things to satiate her rather quickly. Our brand new bag of tricks was pretty shallow at the time,

so it made for some frustrating days and nights trying to be the best parents we could be. Thanks to the amazing nursing staff, we were able to get through it and learn a few things along the way.

It’s been a month since our family surrounded us, and helped us (mostly Hannah) through the entire process. Without Janie, Mike, Amanda, Evan, Megan, Steven, Tyler, Jason, Meaghan, my mom and Jorge, and all of the countless family and friends whether it was in person, text, or phone who helped us through the hardest day, night, and day of our lives, we might not have made it. That might sound like hyperbole, but I know for a fact the presence of Hannah’s family (and Tyler) in the room that morning helped encourage, relax, and empower Hannah to keep doing what she needed to do. Those prayers from across the state, the country, and world were so helpful in easing Hannah’s pain, helping her stave off exhaustion, and keeping her endurance and morale high throughout. And without family hugging me, encouraging me, and crying with me, I don’t know how I would have gotten through not just the birthing process, but Hannah’s emergency surgery right afterwards.

It’s been a month since we got home from the hospital. We left as a couple and came back as a family, now engulfed in a whole new world of diapers, purell, spit up, and millions of other baby contraptions that I didn’t even know existed a year ago. It was nice to get two whole weeks off from work too; a time full of blessings from family and friends who made meals for us and grocery shopped for us. It was a wonderful refuge and rare moment when it felt like real life paused for a bit and we were able to just focus on our family. As life continues to get back to normal, and gets busier all the time, I hope we don’t stop doing that.

It’s been a month since my perspective changed.

It’s been a month since we had free evenings.

It’s been a month since going out to eat was never the same.

It’s been a month since a 3 minute car trip didn’t take 20 minutes—including takeoff and landing.

It’s been a month since my clothes weren’t covered in baby vomit and breast milk.

It’s been a month since I didn’t dread going to work in the morning after waking up, getting ready, and then looking at my beautiful wife and child lying in their respective beds, as the low morning glow shone on their cheeks.

It’s been a month since I didn’t have friends and family begging me to send pics of my daughter on an almost daily basis. (No problem!)

It’s been a month since we became “those people.” Whether it’s on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook, our feeds are littered with baby photos. Heck, if I could start a LinkedIn account and fill it with baby photos, I would. I have no doubt they’re annoying to a few friends, but I also know that most of my friends want to see them, or at least they say they want to see them. Anyway, our kid’s flipping adorable.

It’s been a month since I didn’t have the constant fear for the life of another person. I’m don’t really want to die. That’d suck, right? I mean, I could get used to it, I suppose, but I’m not actively trying to off myself anytime soon. And while Hannah dying would be one of the worst possible things I could imagine, I’m not actively thinking about it night and day. With Olivia however, it’s a pretty steady, constant fear. I mean, I’m not losing too much sleep over it, but it’s definitely a present thought in my every day activities. She’s so small, and so precious, and everything is so new to her. What if she forgets to breathe, or loses the ability to eat, or her heart just isn’t big or strong enough?! It’s

a stressful way to think, and I try to not go down that road very often, but I find my mind heading that direction more than is comfortable.

It’s been a month since I didn’t have an additional love in my life. There’s Hannah, who’s been the love of my life since…well since our first date. She’s the one, she’s my match, she’s my first, last, and only wife I’ll ever have. She’s truly the love of my life. But now there’s Olivia, who’s forever changed my life, who’s deepened the very meaning of the word “love” for me, who’s simultaneously done nothing, and everything to me emotionally so far. While in a radically different way, she’s the new love of my life. Hannah will always come first, and will always be my partner and my priority, but Olivia will always be the one I protect, the one I teach, the one I hope and dream the biggest of things for. Olivia is and will always be my little baby, whether she’s a month old, or 19 years old and going off to college.

It’s been a month since our new family started. Like I said before, we were a couple, and now we’re three.

It’s been a month since my life hit light speed.

It’s been a month. Seems like it’s been both the longest and most jam-packed month of my life, while also seeming like the fastest month ever that’s ever gone by. I know there’s no way to slow time down, but there is a way of enjoying today and making the most of every second. That way, when I wake up tomorrow and I’m 72, and my kid’s are all grown and I have a few grandkiddos running around, and my wife is as beautiful as she’s always been with her gray hair and wise wrinkles, even though I’m sure life will feel like it just flew right by, I’ll at least be able to look back on it knowing I had a blast the entire time.
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