Form submitted successfully, thank you.

Error submitting form, please try again...or just email me.

Welcome to BenHelms.com! bio picture

about the site...

Thanks for visiting my website! I hope you enjoy your stay and are able to find your way around without any problems.

I created this site as a project, but it turned into a different few things. First off, it is a blog; simply a place where I can write some of my scattered, random thoughts, and occasionally rant a little bit, about how the man is keeping me (and you) down.

Secondly, it has become a place where I have posted some photography, so feel free to check some of that out as well. And lastly, This site will be used as part of a a few different projects for my masters degree. Feel free to email me if you have any questions, comments, concerns during your stay: (benhelms@gmail.com)

about me...

A little about me, let’s see...Well, I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, then moved to Los Angeles for college and about halfway through that I moved out to Boston. After falling in love with New England (go Pats/Sox!), I made my way back to SoCal and got two degrees from Azusa Pacific University in Los Angeles, CA (a B.A. in English-Writing & an M.S. in College Counseling and Student Development). As of now, I'm working as a Hall Director at the University of Portland in Oregon and living/working in the prestigious Villa Maria Hall.

Besides all that, I love writing, backpacking, photography, music (recording, composing and listening), playing/watching sports, and exploring new lands. View my Resume.


Why Photographers Suck

Warning: Stereotypes will be propagated in this post.

We had a lot of problems with our wedding photographer. A lot of problems.

And the more I talk to others trying to get their wedding logistics in place, it seems like we’re not alone. Whether it’s taking forever getting prints back, showing up late to shoots–or even the wedding itself, or just being terrible with correspondence, photographers continually make people’s lives much worse than when they started out.

It’s a travesty because photography is such a fascinating, unique art form. Sure, it’s been altered (some would say diminished) a bit by the digital revolution, but the results are the same in the sense that end results are a single, still image. Movies have CGI and photography has Photoshop, but even in that sense, photography just seems to capture so much more of a story and can speak truths so much deeper than any film can. A movie about a horse can tell me how great a horse is, or about the lives the horse affected, but an single photograph of a horse can emote tranquility or ferocity or true beauty or one of any other type of truth of feeling because it requires the audience to interact with it and put some of themselves into it.

The problem with photography today is that it’s corrupt. It’s been maligned with third-party paraphernalia. It’s no longer about the photo interacting with the viewer, but more so about, well…just about everything else.

Photography has been corrupted by pretentious hipsters thinking that they’re experts because they picked up a camera from the ’60s and bought some film for $36 and are snapping photos of daisies next to the city skyline. It’s been corrupted by hipstamatic, instagram, and every other app that feigns enhancement to photos while merely adding more and more walls of distraction between the artist and the audience. It’s been corrupted by digital SLRs being found in seemingly every shelf, store and home in the country.

I’m not against photography, and I’m definitely not against everyone being able to take photos (good or bad) and share with me what they think is beautiful or expressive or vibrant or true. What I’m against is the elitism of those who take photos think that just because they hit a button that turns a normal photograph into a lomographic rendition of the same image they’re somehow better than anyone else. This also works in reverse in the sense that anyone who takes beautiful photographs with an old school film camera can be just as pointlessly pretentious in thinking that they are any better than someone who turns a photo of a sunset into an even more beautiful photo of a sunset with the use of digital technology. (However, less is usually more.)

I struggle with an inner conflict of wondering whether we should all have cameras and have the ability to capture every moment of our lives or less of us should have the ability to capture moments in time and we should focus more on living life to the fullest and worry less about getting the right aperture or uploading thousands of photos onto our laptops. It’s obviously not one or the other, but I just feel that we spend a bit too much time smiling in front of monuments when the monument itself was design to be a depiction of something great and you and your friends smiling in front of it whilst giving thumbs ups isn’t adding to the grandeur of the art.

But I digress…

Back to the point: Photographers suck.

I won’t even get into the arbitrary profession that is photography (Btw, this photograph recently sold for $4.3 million…wtf?!¹), but it’s getting a bit ridiculous just how much photographers demand of others’ time, money and sacrifice. If you know Hannah or I well, then over the past 8 months I’m sure you’ve heard our tale of woe about how unprofessional our photographer was before, after and during our wedding. It was terrible. (Luckily, one of my best friends, Sean Marshall Thompson of Tag That Photography, was able to help us out and did a great job with our newlywed shoot. Thanks again, man!)

But the problem with the whole thing, the part that she knew and took advantage of, was that we needed her. Even aside from the fact that she was paid in full 6 months before our wedding, we needed her because she’s a great photographer and we desperately wanted her to take our wedding photos. Hannah and I spent hours looking at her website dreaming of having our wedding photos look even half as good as any of the weddings she’d done in the past. Each one of her photos was unique, had that hipstery look (the kind with feathers and lens flares), and just looked like it came from the perfect wedding.

You see, good photographers can afford to be dicks. They get paid, can treat you like crap, show up and take some great photos, then take however long they please to get them back to you. And what can you do about it? Nothing.²

They’re “good” and that’s why it’s so infuriating. We (lay people) need them. And what makes it worse: if I were that good at photography, it would probably be less frustrating.

I stumbled upon this quote the other day (to the right). It’s from NPR’s Ira Glass. He’s a boss. Rarely do quotes grab me and not let me go for weeks on end as much as this quote. It’s epic. It’s poignant. It’s truer than most things I’ve ever read. The .jpg file of this quote has been on my desktop for over a month now and I don’t know where to put it on my computer. Under photos? Under documents? No idea. Point being, it’s a great quote and I want to be reminded of it every single day.

I aim to become a legitimate photographer someday. Not to make the big bucks or to screw people over and live life on my own terms and destroy the lives and schedules of lesser people, but in order to portray beauty in ways never seen before, but still universally relatable in ways that are so specific and individualistic that everyone relates can connect in a personal way. But while I’m definitely proud of some of the photos I’ve taken in my life, I’m sure as hell not ready to call myself a photographer. That’s the “gap” that Ira’s taking about. I’m not there. Not yet.

So all I can do is put in the time and work, give myself deadlines and fight to make my work as good as my ambitions. It’s going to take awhile.

But hey, it’s normal to take awhile.

 

—————————

¹ Just try and tell me that I’ve never taken a picture that good…or that you haven’t.

² Unless you’re like me, then you can suppress it for years until it comes out in a fit of anger in a mean tennis game against either Rich or Tyler.

Related Posts:

by Ben Helms

no comments

add a comment

And Other Beer Matters (part 1)

I spent this past weekend in Seattle with my brother, Jason. He was in town presenting on Heidegger’s concepts of Vorhandenheit vs. Zuhandenheit at the national MLA conference (yes, that MLA). It went well and all, but as you can probably imagine, we needed a drink afterwards. We decided then and there that we’d better start our epic Northwest brewery tour as soon as possible, so we went out with a few of his rhetoric and communication buddies to Pike’s Brewing Company for lunch, had their IPA, then were off to Pyramid’s Alehouse (after a lovely cigar). We quickly discovered that this was not the actual Pyramid brewery, but just a brewpub, and that their actual brewery was in Portland (where I just drove up from that morning). After a wonderfully floral imperial IPA, we decided to walk the mile and a half back to our hotel.

On the way back, we walked past an Elysian brewpub. How deliciously coincidental. We walked in and both decided to get the craziest thing on the menu. We saw it almost immediately: La Citrueille Celeste De Citracado. It was a collaboration brew between Elysian (Seattle), Rogue (Portland), and the Bruery (Orange County); and entirely West Coast beer. The description was so dense, it was overwhelming. It was a beer with pumpkin, cilantro, fenugreek, and birch bark in it. We had no idea what to expect. When they brought it out to us in goblets (how else would one drink this beautiful invention?), we did our best to enjoy every second of it. From the aroma to the mouthfeel and even the aftertaste, it was the most complex beer I’ve ever sipped. It was delightful. A few drinks in, as we were both raving about it, we both realized at the same time that there was no way we would order another one of these, much less even finish our current glasses (goblets). The beer was good, damn good, but it was so complex and hearty that it was sort of like eating steak and potatoes; not exactly a meal that can be repeated very often.

We ended up at a McMenamins pub later that night and hung out with a friend of his, and the next day, we found the actual Elysian brewery, which ended up being within walking distance from our hotel. We had an amazing lunch there and then hit up a few bottleshops on our way back (okay…one was closed, and the other was Whole Foods—they do have a wonderful microbrew section though). We spent our evenings sharing in some of the best West Coast beer we could afford, watching football and reminiscing of old times, and dreaming of future successes and triumphs. It was a grand 36 hours.

Now, I don’t want to say that this weekend wouldn’t have been possible without beer, far from it. But beer definitely enhanced our time together. And no, it wasn’t because we got so wasted that it lowered our inhibitions and we were able to connect on a seemingly deeper level due to the alcohol in our veins. In fact, we weren’t drunk at all, even a teensy little bit, throughout the entire weekend. The reason beer made the weekend better was that it was a middle ground for the two of us. Sure, we have our entire childhoods as middle ground, our faiths, families, and careers in higher education, but for some reason, beer and distilled spirits represents something different from all of those commonalities.

Those other similar topics are parts of us; they’re naturally us, parts of our identities. Beer however, is optional, and—especially because we both homebrew—it’s a shared passion of ours. It’s something that we both take pride in when we make it and work incredibly hard at to make taste wonderful (or at least not too terrible). This also means that we do our research. We plan and read and listen to podcasts about how to make your homebrewing even better. We both put in (probably too much) work to make sure that we can be proud of the beer we produce.

And a large part of making good beer, means simply knowing what good beer tastes like. (Not to say that I’m exceptionally good at this aspect at all, but I at least have knowledge and experience enough to know that the more types of beer I consume, the better I understand how to analyze them.) This is the research and development aspect of our operations, and it is certainly not a bore. It may sound like a joke, but it really does take a lot of beer drinking to figure out what is good and bad about the myriad of different aspects of the drink. Plus, we love telling each other about limited-run brews, messed up batches, or crazy seasonals that we’ve heard of—or even been blessed enough to drink.

Knowing that I can bring up the differences taste in brettanomyces and lactobacillus yeast strains is a comforting thought, and while it may not be the deepest of conversations, it often leads to them. I think we started a conversation in the hotel room about Anchorage Brewing Company’s delectable Bitter Monk and how bitters and sours are getting tastier and tastier and ended up in a jacuzzi talking about different books we’ve read that have made our marriages better. I’m sure there were a few steps in there that led to that other than just beer, but I’m fairly sure it started there.

All in all, it was a great weekend full of good food, great beer and fantastic conversations with my big brother. Thanks, Jason. Can’t wait till our next weekend together. I have no idea when that will be, but I’m sure it’ll be full of delicious brew.

 

Related Posts:

by Ben Helms

no comments

add a comment

New Photos Here and There

Just a heads up to anyone that might care: I updated my photography pages this week. I uploaded a bunch of new photos, deleted a bunch of old ones and organized them a little better.

I also uploaded just about all of our wedding photos that we got back this week. Our photographer did a great job and they look amazing!

And here’s a sneak peak of even more photos to come in the next few weeks…

Related Posts:

by Ben Helms

no comments

add a comment

Don’t Tell And We Won’t Ask

It’s a powerful thing when a friend tells you of the profound impact you’ve had on his life.

Not that this is a common occurrence in my life by any means, but this did happen to me recently. It was a soft, genuine moment between friends. It was toward the end of the conversation and it snuck up on me; as if it was the surprise ending to everything he’d been talking about, but was also the unavoidable outcome the entire time. Somehow, his humble admittance of my influence seemed to tie in everything we’d been talking about. It was startling and I was a bit embarrassed.

Embarrassed? Why?

My first instinct was to shrug it off, deny it, or say something to the effect of, “No, no. That had nothing to do with me,” or “Please. You were that (insert adjective here) before we even met.” But that would only belittle the power of the compliment and undermine the true nature of his humility in bringing it up in the first place.

So I paused, and skipped that instinct and moved onto number 2: deflection and/or reciprocation. I think I said something like, “Yeah, well maybe…but you’ve had this type of effect on my life…” which, while completely true and he has had a profoundly impactful (not a word), life-changing influence on who I am today, probably wasn’t the best time to bring that up. In fact, in me reciprocating his sentiments, it (again) only served to lessen the true originality, careful timing, and intimate nature of his initial declaration.

As soon as I finished my speech on what a big impact he’d had on my life, I grimaced. I knew immediately that his comments meant much more and that mine sounded more like an obligatory rambling of insincere, trite statements. Even though mine came from as genuine a place as his did, his weren’t prompted.

So what is this post about? Well, it started about me realizing what a rare moment this was, and that it’s probably a good thing to tell your friends more often how much you care about them. And not only “care”, because I think I do a pretty good job of being intentional with telling my friends I love them. But the original takeaway of this post was probably: tell your friends and family how influential they’ve been on you personally. Tell them how much you love them, and be specific as to how they’ve changed you as a person, how they’ve altered your path and molded your worldview.

But I think there’s a new point to all of this, or at least, a slightly altered one: Be the first, to tell your friends and family these things. Not to win, not to beat them, and not to look better than anyone else. Do this because impromptu, personal, intentional, life-pausing, meaningful conversations initiated out of the blue about how influential someone has been in your life are some of the most honest, real, and rare conversations that take place today.

I know there are more important things to do, and much more important things going on in the world today. I certainly don’t want to understate their importance, but I just know this is something that is often overlooked by most people, and it’s something that can be so life-changing and life-giving¹, that it’s hard for me to understand why this isn’t a more prominent part of our everyday conversations.

Ever since my friend caught me so offguard with those comments, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Why is that? Certainly not because I just like relishing in how great I am (trust me, not the case), but more so because I was so overwhelmed and impressed with his ability to speak to something that people rarely mention: how much someone means to you.

If you’re as lucky as me, you have more than a few great people in your life who you’ve allowed to help influence the person you are today. It takes time, and it’s not always easy, but it’s usually worth it to let someone you look up to change the person you are–or at the very least, impact the way you see the world.

2011 went by quickly…scary quickly. I feel like I got engaged two weeks ago, but it (apparently) was in April.Wow. Point being, it’s very easy to say, “That stuff sounds good, I’d love to do it, I’ll do it next week/month/year/whatever.” Try to do it soon if you can. It gets easier and easier to put things off, and time comes at you faster and faster the older you get.

And if you feel like you don’t really know anyone well enough to have this conversation with, you’re not alone. It’s tough to be vulnerable with people, especially if you’ve recently found yourself with a new job, in a new town, at a new school, et al. But a bit of advice that a wise man gave me years ago: Find the people you look up to, and cling to them. Maybe it’s asking someone out to coffee, or even inviting yourself to a party, or something that may be a bit awkward at first. Putting yourself out there can suck sometimes. It’s awkward, difficult, and often doesn’t pay off very well. But when it does, it seems like it’s always worth it because the payoff can be so overwhelmingly wonderful.

(That, my friends, was a digression.)

Getting back to the point of all this, I know I need to be more assertive and intentional with all of this, but it seems like no matter what I do, life gets in the way. What’s the answer? Let’s quit all of our jobs and live in a house where all we do is hangout, run a community garden, and love on each other? Hmmm…while that may sound like the obvious answer to some, it may be a little creepy and cult-like. I’m thinking the answer may be even simpler than that.

Maybe we should just go out on a limb more often, tell people what we’re thinking more often², and not be so afraid to get closer to other people. Again, that’s not always easy, but I’ve found the more I’m living life like that, the more I’m proud of the live I’m leading.

Thanks for the wake up call, Tyler.

 

—————————–

¹ Thank you, Janie Reed.

² The good stuff at least.

Related Posts:

by Ben Helms

no comments

add a comment

Ben’s Christmas Memories

Okay, so here’s a little bit of a lighter post, and probably the last of 2011.

It’s mid-December, and I’m guessing you’ve noticed the overwhelming commercialism of the holidays. For some reason, it seems crazier every year. Huge wreaths on storefronts, giant ornaments hanging in malls, Santa pub crawls downtown, it’s just insanity. So I wanted to take a moment and countdown my top 10 favorite Christmas memories. Here we go…

10) Christmas Lights. Every year growing up my mom would gather us into the minivan (often with a few other families as well) go on a hunt for the best “Christmas house” in town. For awhile it was the crazy, well-lit house in Marinwood (San Rafael), but then in junior high we discovered an even brighter house in San Marin (Novato) in which we could actually walk into the house. Every single room in the house was ornately decorated with a completely different famous Christmas scene. And they had a gigantic cat…so yeah. Christmas lights were pretty great. Every year (sometimes during Thanksgiving, as in 2011) our family still looks for the best Christmas lights in whatever town we’re visiting. This year it was Lexington, Kentucky’s famous Kentucky Horse Park Christmas Light Tour. A bit expensive, but they did have a star wars Christmas light exhibit. Well played, Kentucky. Well played.

9) Christmas Movies. There’s just too many to pick one. Some favorites of course are It’s a Wonderful Life, Elf, A Christmas Story, The Santa Clause, A Muppets Christmas Carol, Eight Crazy Nights, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Die Hard, Home Alone, Love Actually, and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Man, those are some great freakin’ movies. And beyond the films alone, there are so many great memories that go with watching those movies with close family and friends.

8) The Dass family Christmas Party. It was the annual winter event each year for our church and it was a great time indeed. Almost all of my friends would be there, usually there was some sort of romantic, relational drama between a few of us, there was a sweet white elephant gift exchange, and there was grandma’s pepperment punch. Holy crap that stuff was good.

7) Christmas with the Reeds. Last year I was blessed enough to spend a December weekend in Mount Shasta visiting (my girlfriend at the time) Hannah’s family. It was a bit nerve-wracking meeting everyone for the first time, but I remember feeling right at home even just a few hours after arriving. We played board games, saw Christmas lights, went to mass together, ate delicious food (thanks again, Janie!), made gingerbread houses (much to my chagrin), and watched 8 Crazy Nights. What more could you want out of a weekend? It was simply wonderful. If you haven’t met the Reeds, then you’re missing out. I don’t think they read this blog, so I don’t feel like I’m sucking up in saying this. They’re a great family that loves each other very genuinely and it’s obvious to anyone who spends any time with them that they want others to feel the same closeness and safety they feel in their home. Seriously. Tyler’s coming to visit. So should you!

6) Helms Family Christmas Party. When I was five years old, my parents threw a little Christmas party at our casa. One of the few traditions we do have in our family is that we do not put the little baby Jesus into the little baby manger of our nativity scene until Christmas morning–because that’s when the kid was born, obviously. So occassionally people would walk by the nativity, wshere I would usually be playing with the cool shepherd and wise men action figures, and one of the onlookers asked me, “Say, charming little boy, I see that there is child in that there manger. Goodness gracious. Where could he be?” (paraphrased). I haved a vague memory of this next moment, but my mother tells people that I turned quickly to the guest and snapped, “Why, in Mary’s uterus of course.” Laughter ensues. I guess the son of a doc/nurse can’t say “womb.” Oh well…I was right at least.

5) I gotta go with “A Christmas Story.” I know I already mentioned “Christmas Movies”, but man, this one’s just a little different. I love that movie. We weren’t big on traditions in our family, but I remember watching this movie multiple times each year. The fishnet stocking leg lamp, the pole-lick, the crazy dogs next door, Ralphie’s winter getup, the Ovaltine ad, the Chinese food restaurant, Scut Farkus??? Man. That movie is chalk-full of nostalgia. I know it’s probably meant for people who grew up in the 60s, but it’s somehow managed to be nostalgic for just about every generation since then. Can’t wait to fool my kids into thinking they grew up in the cold war era too.

4) Christmas in Sharon. The last four years I’ve spent at least 3 days in Sharon, MA over Christmas break. The Tiller family have made me feel more at home in their house than I have anywhere in years. I have so many great memories with that family, taking the dog for a late-night stroll, heading over to the Andrades for some chocolate milk, watching the Pats’ game, using “cheat-y” words against Linda in Scrabble, destroying SubZero with Nate and Embie, making fun of Mary, making yellow snowmen cookies. Man. Just some great times.

3) The Real Christmas. I know this one should probably be #1, and it would be if this list was “The Best Things About Christmas List” or something along the lines, but it’s not. In slot #3 of “Ben’s Christmas Movies” I gotta go with all of those memories of going to church with my mom and brother and seeing the living nativities and learning all about the original Christmas story in Sunday school. Each year at home, we would also read through the story in the Bible (pick your gospel!) as a family. It was great to break through the overwhelming annual façade of the Christmas festivities. I get just as caught up in all of the gift-giving and getting as the next guy, but it was nice (and still is nice) to spend time with family, read about the birth of Christ and be reminded why we still celebrate the day.

2) Christmas with Family. Whether it’s been spending Christmas in Novato with my brother and mom, or in Chapel Hill with my dad and brothers, I couldn’t imagine having better memories of Christmas mornings throughout my life. I’ve been extremely blessed to be able to have spent time with family every Christmas* throughout my entire life. It’s been amazing. My mom’s always done a fantastic job of creating a warm, nostalgic atmosphere in our home surrounding the holidays while also balancing out paying homage to the Reason for the season–we usually opened presents on Christmas Even and made a birthday cake for Jesus on the 25th. The older I get the more I realize just how unique that really was. Definitely a time in my life I’ll always carry with me and hopefully take some aspects and mold them into my kids’ Christmas traditions.

*There was one Christmas that I spent alone in my apartment, sophomore year of college. It was terrible. But that’s another story. And I did get to spend time with family after Christmas day that break.

1) Christmas with Hannah. I just got married in October and we’re already planning our lives out. We’re planning our vocational futures, thinking of kids’ names, what traditions we want to start, et al. We couldn’t be more excited to have a family and figure out how to meld all of our own family’s traditions into our new family. And one of those specifically we’ve talked about a lot recently is how to start some great Christmas traditions within our family. As of right now, it’s all pretty up in the air, which in a way is the most exciting part. For now, we’re visiting her family in Mount Shasta and it’s lovely. Several movies a day, plenty of athletic endeavor, some intense hangout time, great photographic opportunities, and some amazingly restful amounts of sleep. It’s delightful. I’ll be missing my brothers, sisters, dad, mom and other people directly related to me no doubt, for now though, Christmas in Shasta is pretty stinkin’ great.

Related Posts:

by Ben Helms

5 comments

add a comment

Corrigan - "Almost all of my friends would be there, usually there was some sort of romantic, relational drama between a few of us, there was a sweet white elephant gift exchange, and there was grandma’s pepperment punch" <== Accurate I'll pound some punch for you tomorrow at the party.December 23, 2011 - 12:12 am

Corrigan - Okay, my original comment had a line break between "accurate" and "I'll pound some punch." I just felt the need to say that, 'cause the atrocious run-on sentence that created is bugging me.December 23, 2011 - 12:13 am

Ben Helms - Ha. No worries. I appreciate the confirmation of the run-on though. And thanks! Have fun! Merry Christmas, CoR.December 23, 2011 - 2:05 pm

janie reed - I DO READ YOUR BLOG:) I love that Christmas at the Reeds is in your blog...now the secret is out. Thank the Lord you didn't mention GoodBad Waffles.haha.January 4, 2012 - 5:49 pm

Ben Helms - Uh oh...hope you don't mind that I just invited the world to your house for Christmas! And I'll save the Good/Bad Waffles for next year's entry. Can't wait!January 5, 2012 - 2:38 pm

Writing To Fail – Part II

Read Part I here.

Every once in a while I see something so inspiring, so perfect and so mesmerizing that it puts me at a crossroads. Whether it’s a movie that’s done so amazingly well, or a passage in a book that’s written immaculately, or even a song that brings a tear to my eye, it stops me in my tracks and makes me choose between three things…

1) Denial

The easy thing to do is to just give a nod to the art’s creator, acknowledge its greatness and simply go on living my life—which in a way, while easy and painless, devalues the true greatness of the art form. If something is truly inspiring, then acknowledging it isn’t enough. Not to say that I don’t ever do this, in fact this is probably the path I choose most because of its convenience and inability to burrow into my brain and give me a quarter-life crisis. But at the end of most days in which I do this, I feel like I’ve cheated the artist. I know not all creative types feel they need to affect all consumers (of their art) with a striking, life-changing realization, but that’s kind of the point, isn’t it? That makes those moments even more meaningful at least, doesn’t it? The fact that those artists know that 99.9% of people listening to that song, watching that movie, reading that chapter will just go on living their lives; they won’t even realize the true greatness, the real perfection of it, which leads me to option #2…

2) Abandonment and/or Depression

Occasionally, I do notice and do more than acknowledge the artist’s hard work and special giftedness and I take a look at myself and see what effect it can have on my own life. However, depending on how great the art is, the effect it’s had on me, where I am in my life, and (especially) how productive I’ve been with my art the last few months, it can have a very discouraging influence on me on a very deep level personally.

I remember in junior high I played basketball for hours a day. Hours. How many times in your life have done anything (besides sleeping) for hours every day? I haven’t done it with much, but basketball consumed my life from the ages of 10-18. It was everything I did. I begged my brother to play one-on-one with me. I’d have to get different friends to come over and play horse with me every day, because I didn’t know one person who wanted to play basketball as much as I did; not even close.

I was never a very athletic, fit kid. I loved sports, and I loved being active, but I was big and strong, not exactly the best basketball physique. However, I was tall and I had enough speed and skill to be a great player when I was in young. I was a leader on the court and I was a solid contributor. Then high school hit. I was suddenly not the tallest, not the strongest, and I wasn’t the best shot, or the most consistent defender. It was significantly more difficult than ever before. So I developed a decent outside shot, I started lifting weights so even though I was way shorter than the other guys, I could defend them in the paint, and I tried my best to make up for where my heredity failed me.

It worked…for a year or so.

Junior year I started going to a new school and they had these two guys: Chris Caldwell and Jon Kuhn. They were both a year older than me, but that didn’t matter. They were the best 17 year old basketball players I’d ever played with, hell, they were the best high school players I’d ever seen. Our school was small and was consistently the worst team in our league, and even though I know Chris and Jon weren’t nearly the best players in our county, I knew I couldn’t and would never be anywhere close to how good they were.

I had dreams and aspirations of playing college ball (albeit at a shitty college…but still), and even playing some pro-ball someday (maybe in Guam, or something…but still pro-ball). Midway through the season, and after getting destroyed in most of the games, I could see clearly that Chris and Jon weren’t nearly good enough to play even at the junior college level.

If they were lightyears ahead of me, what’d that mean for me? It was an earth-shattering, life-changing realization for me.

For a while, it inspired me to work harder, to practice even more and dedicate even more of myself to the sport—if 5’7” Spud Webb or even 5’3” Mugsy Bogues could do it…? But then it hit me sometime after high school, that if I wouldn’t ever play in the NBA, what was the point? Now, I realize that’s a stupid realization to think about too much. There are about 500 people in the NBA at any given time. I can’t imagine the odds of being one of the top 500 of anything at any point in my life—much less something that requires pretty good genes to get into. The point is: it wrecked me and made me hate the game for a while. I refused to play it. If I couldn’t be the best, if I knew I couldn’t even aspire to be as good as Chris and Jon, then why even try at all?

3) Inspiration

But then there’s the most special effect that great art can have on a person. Great art is created to beget other great art. I’m not talking about Banksy or Mr. Brainwash or other great pop-art robbers or rip-offs of beauty (no offense, I love Banksy), but really I’m talking about original, inspiring, art. When I see this art and really take the time to use it as a mirror into my own creative personality, it can have an amazing effect.

When I get out of my way enough to realize that it’s not about being truly “the best” at something, I am able to re-realize (as it has taken many times indeed) that art is a deeply personal, wholly creative element that can only be great if it is true, honest, genuine. Great art should do just this and help others see themselves and their lives in a whole new light.

When people watched Good Will Hunting in 1997, it was a naturally inspiring story of a hard-luck Bostonian boy genius from the wrong side of the tracks whose stars align and with the help of two professors—one good-cop, one bad—he overcomes all odds, meets his dreamgirl and figures out what he wants to do with his life. It was a good film with a bunch of awards, but to me it was (is) perfection. It’s me. I know it’s a stretch, and I know that if you know me and if you know the movie then you probably also know that the only two things I have in common with the protagonist is that we’re both guys, we like the Red Sox and we’ve met Robin Williams.

BUT, to this day, it’s the most inspiring, true-to-life story, genuine, story I can image. For some reason (lots of reasons really) it speaks to me. Not just the story, but the directing, the writing, the acting. I still watch it every few months and just about every aspect of the movie can bring me to welled up tears. It’s beautiful and it’s honest. To me, the movie is perfection.

So what do I do with that? I’m an aspiring writer. I’ve written 1.3 novels, 3 screenplays, 15-20 magazine articles (the only thing I’ve ever gotten published), dozens of shorts stories, hundreds of poems, songs, blogs and what do I have to show for it? I’ll probably never write a best-selling novel. I’ll probably never write a decent screenplay—and if I did, the odds are even greater that anyone who could do anything about would ever even read it.  In all likelihood, I’ll never publish much of great commercial success. So what’s the point?

My best friend, gave me a book recently; Shauna Niequist’s Cold Tangerines. He told me not to read it all, but just a few pages that he’d dog-eared. I think he was hoping that I wouldn’t be overwhelmed with having to read the whole thing, but hey, it worked. My wife and I read the chapter he marked and it brought tears to our eyes. Basically, the chapter is about a song that the author heard: “Needle and Thread” by the band Sleeping at Last. She goes on to say what an amazing effect this song had on her and her husband’s life, through childbirth, through fights, through loving each other, this song was at the center of much of their relationship. She ends the chapter with a letter to the lead singer.

The letter (again, basically…) says thank you, we need you. I’m completely ruining the passage—which every time I read it to try and summarize it, it brings tears to my eyes again—but it’s a beautiful, apt description of a deep and abiding appreciation for art. She goes on to say, “Great art says the things we wished someone would say out loud, the things we wish we could say out loud.” She describes how artists make her a better person for just witnessing their creative expressions, for giving her the method and manner in which to express herself that never even existed before their art was created, just by experiencing their art.

As I read the chapter, I want to copy and paste more and more of her words into this post, but I can’t find a snippet that sums up the chapter shorter than a few paragraphs long. In a way, this is a perfect example of what we’re both writing about. The way she describes this relationship between artist-art-audience is so mesmerizing and stirring, but it’s also so frustrating because I can’t even image writing a more perfect depiction of this phenomenon.

There are few things in this world that motivate me continually without diminishing over time. This passage is one of those things. I want to read it every day, I want to tattoo it on my forehead, I want it to be read aloud and played on repeat in my headphones as I seek out creative endeavors every single day the rest of my life.

It’s an amazingly written chapter and it’s one of the few things I’ve ever read that simply forces the reader choose that third option. You acknowledge the creator’s genius, sure, but you can’t stop there. It makes you want to quit in a way, because it’s written so beautifully, but its message implores you to not only continue being creative, but presents it as a duty, as a responsibility you have to the world. She writes it so that in me quitting any sort of creative outpouring, I am in turn depriving others of someday being inspired and encouraged and brought to tears because of something I was inspired to create. While it sure can be self aggrandizing to think I need to write (or create art in general), it can be just as selfish to think that I know that what I will write can’t possibly be good enough to inspire others. How arrogant is that? How could I think that what I have inside myself isn’t relatable to another individual?

I’m sure I’m not alone in being a writer who loves C.S. Lewis, but one of my favorite quotes of his covers the struggle every artist has with being original and creative with their art…

“Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring two pence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.”

Without even getting into the recycling/homage type art of Quentin Tarantino vs. the creative, ingenious works of Shakespeare type argument, I love the idea that all great art really isn’t original. If you think about it, even classic paintings like Monet’s Water Lilies or DaVinci’s Mona Lisa are just representations of things God put here on earth. Sure, they’re wonderfully-constructed, beautiful renditions, artistically creative representations, but they’re no more original that me drawing a picture of a stickman.

In this way, all art is just a re-telling of creation. Not necessarily Ken Ham’s creation, but even in whatever method you believed the world was created. To me, that points to God.

I took a class on Dante’s Divine Comedy. It was hard. But I had the greatest professor I’ve ever known for that class, and it was an inspiring (buzz word!) few hours each week. My favorite passage from the trilogy is from the eleventh chapter of Inferno:

L’arte vostra quella, quanto puote,
Seque, come il maestro fa il discente;
Si che vostr’arte a Dio quasi è nipote.

Or in English: “Art, as far as it is able, follows nature, as a pupil imitates his master; thus your art must be, as it were, God’s grandchild.”

I stumbled upon a few quotes whilst creating this article as well that try as I might, I couldn’t help but include them here…

“An artist is only a prism through which naturally occurring beauty is altered, according to his or her perception. The only true artist is God, for all true beauty is created by Him.” – anonymous

“Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better.”  – André Gide

They’re all basically saying that same thing: God is the originator of true artistic creativity. Everything we do to try and be inventive, to try and be original or creative is just an offshoot of the true, original Creator’s artwork. It may sound cheesy, but most true things are, at times, a bit cheesy. This also doesn’t mean that art can be lazy. A photo of a field can be a portrait of God’s creation, but it can also be a pretty crappy version of it. A stickman is just as much an example of creation as the Mona Lisa, but I have a feeling my stickman won’t reach as many people, inspire as many painters, or heal as many wounds as I’m sure DaVinci’s work has.

So, in that light, I am disregarding the Lord’s work in not pursuing my creative expressions more seriously, for in sharpening my skills and improving my ability to be creative and inspiring, the more I will be ale to portray the true Creator through my art. The harder I work, the better my art will be, and the better my art is, the more people will be inspired to work hard and create inspiring, motivational art in turn. It’s a beautiful, frustrating, not-as-black-and-white-as-I-present-it, never ending cycle.

It is my belief that great art begets more great art, not squelches it. And I am being selfish to think that my art isn’t good enough to inspire someone to one day create bigger and more beautiful, more captivating, more inspirational art than I ever could even imagine. If something I’ve created with a true and genuine expressive nature can cause someone to have to dig deep within themselves to reciprocate some type of creative expression that is true to themselves, then I will consider all of this frustration, heartache and hard work completely worth it. Hell, even if all of this work is simply for my own therapy so I can live a healthy life without having to second-guess every life choice I make, it’d be worth it.

I can only hope and pray that God might use my art to have a positive effect on the world around me.

Related Posts:

by Ben Helms

2 comments

add a comment

Hannah Helms - This is amazing Ben - this is such a different way to look at art and what it moves us to do. Please persevere in writing... you're so good at it.December 17, 2011 - 11:46 pm

Inspired? « A Boles Undertaking - [...] young man who loves Student Affairs, writing, and his new wife, Hannah, posted this and then this on his website. Ben is a far more successful writer than I am (he has actually finished a novel, [...]December 19, 2011 - 1:31 pm

Writing to Fail – Part I

I dedicate this post to the last 5 months that have included one real blog post. All apologies.

—————————-

Read part II here.

I’ve always been a passionate guy. Throughout my life, those passions may have changed significantly over time, but I’ve never ceased to be passionate. Just a few of my passions have included:

  • movies (making, watching, writing…)
  • music (writing, listening, making, guitar, drums, recording…)
  • friends
  • my faith
  • student affairs
  • food
  • academics
  • travel
  • writing (poetry, fiction, non-fiction, academic…)
  • many, many different career opportunities
  • women

Now, most of these have been themes in my life, or at least versions of themes in my life. For example, my faith is something that (though waning at times) has been a stronghold in my life for 20+ years and something that I hold deareest to my heart. Women, would obviously now be “woman”, as I am now a happily married young man. And academics, would now manifest itself in a more career-based, educational aspect of those academic goals and disciplines I was so passionate about when I was in school.

My point is¹, most people can name at least one thing in their lives that they’re passionate about. Hopefully, if you’re one of the lucky ones, you get to take part often in the thing you’re passionate about; whether it’s your job, your career, or just a constant hobby, you get to enhance and grow that talent and love of yours on a consistent basis. That’s awesome.

What’s not awesome is how often these passions go disavowed, unfed, and forgotten.

I love writing. Love it. If I were stranded on a desert island with only 3 things (fun game, btw), I’d take an large stack of paper, a bunch of pens and probably a Bible (or maybe a laptop with a solar-powered battery…anyway, the point is I want to write on the beach, ok?!). I first realized I enjoyed writing in Dr. Bruce Baloian’s Exodus/Deuteronomy class at Azusa Pacific University. It was hell. It was my first semester in college and it was one of the hardest times in my life. We had papers due each week in his class and each one was way above me. I remember walking out of 45-minute class sessions and not knowing what we talked about.

We had a huge research paper due at the end of the semester. In it, we needed to outline a few verses of a passage from Exodus. I still remember the day he gave us the 10-page packet of instructions for the outline. It was the most overwhelmed I’d ever been academically as well as intellectually. I worked my butt off writing, researching and praying for that paper. It was 18 pages of the hardest I’d ever worked on one project. Two weeks after we turned it in, I got it back. I got a 54% on it. It was the lowest grade I’ve ever received up till that point or ever since on any test, quiz or exam.

Now, that may not seem encouraging to a writer. But what it taught me was the art of re-writing.³ You see, he gave us the opportunity to re-write the entire paper, using his copious amounts of scribbly, red notes. I edited the whole thing, and got an 87% on it. Yeah. I know, right?

Two years later, after slowly realizing how amazing writing (and re-writing) could be, I switched over to my English major. It was there where my passions grew and my skills were honed (thanks to Okamoto, Glyer and Esselstrom).

Six months after graduating (I have the diploma to prove it), I decided to take part in NaNoWriMo. It’s a month-long writing movement (for lack of a better word) that helps novice writers get a manuscript written. The idea is to write about 2,000 words a day starting on November 1st, and then by the end of the month, you have a very rough draft of a 50,000 novel. It’s a controversial idea, in the sense that it’s a very crappy novel at that point, but the movement began–or at least it’s used as this–as a way to unite writers, keep them accountable to writing, and to finally get that pesky manuscript written. The book won’t be finished, but the majority of it will at least be written.

Long story short, I ended up completing all 50,000 words that month. That was two years ago. About two weeks ago, my wife started reading through it and gave it to me on Saturday, with great notes. I spent about two hours working on that novel over the past 700+ days. Seven hundred days. That’s a lot of days to not work on something that you tell everyone you’re passionate about. What’s up with that?

I love writing, yes, but what does that mean? What’s the endgame there? I’m no Michael Crichton, and even if I had the skills to be a decent novelist, the odds of me making a living off of creative writing about as slim as my one-man boy band hitting it big.

I try to be a very honest person, to the point of being very negative at times. So when it comes to maintaining my passions, and honing my skills and talents (whether that’s with writing, or practicing drums/guitar, or even working on my career aspirations at times), I tend to discourage myself to the point of abandonment.

I love to write, sure, but why am I so scared to even begin to do so?

What’s the point of being passionate about something I know will never help myself or my family?

Does the health of release of such a valued passion outweigh the fear (and actuality) of constant failure?

Why continue to be so passionate about something I continue to fail at?

 

 Continued in Part II…

Read part II here.

—————————-

¹Ben Helms favorite/overused phrases: “my point is…”, “at the end of the day…”, and “farfignewton…”
²A skill I still consistently neglect

Related Posts: